Today I met Aigul

Earlier today in the taxi, I met Aigul, a 66 years old, traditional Kazakh woman. She was with her son, who was probably around 30 years old.  I could understood they were talking about me – wondering if I was Russian. I started talking to them and they couldn't believe I wasn't Russian and that instead, I am Puerto Rican. Obviously, they started asking what a Puerto Rican was doing in Kazakstan, laughing, like I was crazy to live here in the extreme cold. That was when I started explaining that Mark is working here as a professor.  Right after, without giving them the chance to ask about me, I continued explaining that I was a Family Therapist but haven't been able to find a job. 

I have reflected a lot about my new life in Kazakhstan. Although I have been enjoying my days here, sometimes I feel guilty and kind of anxious without knowing why. After thinking about these feelings, I have realized that a great part of it is because I don't have “a job”. 

What a great despair humans feel when they don't fulfil the expectations stipulated by society!  These seem to be invisible, but they are out there; in the media, the people that surround you and ask you: “what have you been doing?” To which the answer of: “reading, writing, studying Russian, house chores…”, doesn't seem to be enough. Right after that, you get bombarded with multiple suggestions or comments like: “don't you get bored?” I am not trying to point at anyone, I am just trying to understand my own feelings.

In the last decades, with all the technological and educational advances, great fights by brave women have achieved equal rights.  However, in this context, a woman saying that she is married and “not working” or stays at home to raise her kids it is almost a sin! A lot of women, including myself, try to find ways to justify not working. Some people consider a woman that “doesn't work” to be dependent and too reliant on her partner.

This is not how Aigul responded.  She looked at me with a thoughtful face. I immediately thought she was judging me; to my surprise, her response was the opposite. Aigul with the help of signs asked me something like: “don’t you clean the house, don't you iron clothes, don't you cook?”, and I replied yes. Yes! I do all of those things! Then you work like I do, she responded. She told me not to say again that I didn't work and I replied: “да” (yes in Russian). 

Aigul taught me an important lesson.  Even though these forms of “work” don’t receive direct pay they are incredibly important, and I want to distinguish women working non stop at the homes for their families and congratulate them. This includes those like me who are professionals and for love make sacrifices and drastically change their lifestyle. Finally, it also includes those women who work full time and then come back home and do the house chores and above that take care of their families. We should be proud of what we do and do it with love. We can impact many lives in different perspectives. At least, I am going to keep working on divesting myself from titles and society prejudices, and be Free! From now on, my answer to: what are you doing?”, will be: “enjoying my time”.